HUUUURRRRAAAAAAH!

I feel ever so ever so ever so jolly!!!

loads of bad stuff has happened though.

My dog got super ill. I genuinely thought he was going to DIE in my arms one night.

He had a few seizures, most terrifying experience of my life!!!

I really thought my heart was going to explode when it happened.

I just love that dog so darn much!! i've never felt pain and grief like it! gay i know....

But he's on epilepsy medication now, just like two of my friends. It's almost like this bloody epilepsy is spreading you know, its haunting me!

He hasn't had anymore seizures, but he's not the same anymore, i know it sounds mad, but he looks and smells different. It's like his eyes are different, and he doesn't hold himself the same anymore, his head looks too heavy for him and he walks like he's got a weight on his back, everythings a struggle, but he's still wagging his ol' tail!! His personality has changed too. he's a cheeky shit now!

The other Bad thing was that my Aunty got really ill too.

She had a kidney removed last year after doctors found a lump, which turned out to be cancer.

About a month ago I went to see my dad and he was really upset.

He'd just found out that Kathryn, his sister, had gone into remission, the cancer had come back.

And it had spread.They gave her weeks to live.

We went down to see her as soon as we could, she was in a comfortable care home, she was being cared for, she seemed to have come to terms with everything, which is incredible!!

She was so brave.

I went to see her last week, she wasn't anything like the last time i saw her.

Last time it was all laughs and smiles, remembering her life with photos and videos.

This time was different, it was like looking at the shell of a person.

she was slipping in and out of consciousness, barely able to speak.

Really thirsty....

It was great to see all my family though. They are so close!! I feel sort of robbed of that, moving to wales.

But i love it here. It's made me the man i am!

My cousins are amazing people.

It was horrible seeing her grandchildren there though, I went through the same thing earlier this year and last year with my grandmother. hospital visits and uncertainty. It bought loads of terrible memories back.

I was a bit of an emotional wreck. But i stayed positive for my dad. He needed me.

Earlier this week my dad asked me to come round to his house for tea.

I sort of knew then that she had died.

It's sad, really sad, but she's at peace now.

She'll be somewhere beautiful no doubt.

That's a lot of doooom and gloooom considering how good I feel at the moment.

And it's all because of a really gross reason that i hate talking about because i don't want people to know.....

THAT I AM A MASSIVE SISSY!!!!

Thats right, aye, I am.

I like HUGS!!!!

aaaaaargh it's making me feel ssssiiiick!! 

I don't know why but my brain wants me to be a hard ass bitch, so it's really hard for me to talk about feeeeeelings and eeeeemooootions and being niiiiiiiiiiice to people.

But basically i've got one of those boyfriend things, he's a bit ace and nice and stuff.

I feel kind of bad for him getting stuck with a bint like me, but meh!!

It was dead funny our getting together story, well not for him i suppose, apparently i'm a bit "difficult" ha!

i'll tell it you one day. It's funnier man to man.
But the first time i knew anything of it really, when i wasn't too whiskey drunk to remember such a thing as "booby bastard?", was when he asked me to photo a gig he was doing.
so's I turned up, saw all the band thinking they wanted me to do photos, and every one of them said "oh great! I didn't think you were in town, do you fancy doing photos"........ but thats why i was there?!?
The silly mouse. And then i was confused as to why he was invading my space, uch i got pissy! ha! poor lad.
But yeaaaaah, I knew i kiiiiiinda liked him because every time deryn was in town I wondered why gayface wasn't there too. sick sick vom vom.
I didn't take very many good photos, i'll put a few here just so's to remind myself to do more gigs. 
The first one is of the booby bastard himself. Why I oughtaaaaa.....

So I shall try and get out to more gigs.

AND ITS SUMMERY!!!!!!

I'm genuinely excited so so so excited.

and Scott bought me a pet rat too! They live in his house, but I can't wait to go back and see them!!!

Mines a bit shyer, but he has massive, massive balls....... and his name is Otto!!! AAAAAAH!!!

Theres also this snake called Clyde, he's fucking awesome!!!!!!!! We watched him eat a mouse the other day....and i felt like David Attenborough............

TIDY SMART!!!

Beachy peaches!

My lovely people took me to the beach the other day.

it waaaaaas aaaaaace!!! made me feel all happy and realise how good my mates are,

especially when i'm such a DICK some times.

I was dead proud of Hanna Meakin for driving all the way,  she's a bit mental about driving and things.

But it's okay cos her car has a bit of a crazy face too.

we did some sand jumping! reminiscent of last year when we took my Other ginger to the beach!

and i found a crab claaaaaaaw!

Which completely made my day.
Going to the beach made me feel happy again, a reminder of how good life can be sometimes. I'm too miserable at the moment. it's hard to keep your chin up when so many bad things happen though.
(i forgot to post this...... ha.... so AVE IT!)