It properly warms me cockles when my friends, who have equally traumatic and difficult lives, take that little time out to check on me, just a phone call, a text or a quick email to say "y'oookaaay??? how you coping??" it really means a lot. It's so easy to lose contact with people these days, everyones off on their own life missions and I just seem to be stuck in the starting blocks, I'm the scared shitless horse with blinkers on screaming "naaaoooo make it stop!!" and the jockey on my back is going mental with the whip stick "geeetttoouuutaaa heerrreee!"
I started a new job a couple of months ago with a friend, she has since gone on to bigger and better things (i'm not bitter, i'm well happy for her, yeah. Biatch.) Since she walked out of my life, i mean left, left, I've noticed how easy it is to go your life with out actually connecting with anyone. Sure I talk to people, in passing, but they're just shallow little interfaces, a smile poorly blu-tacked onto a balloon bobbing on a string. It's like those people who give fake hugs, they don't mean anything and they don't make you feel any better or more loved, like a big fat air "fuck off".
Is it too much to ask that people actually give a shit when they talk to other humans? I feel like a right numpty trying to start up a conversation but falling into the gaping void that is "empty chit chat". It's like taking a leap of faith and ending up a good five feet short of the mark. If some one has taken the effort to come up to me and have a go at conversing isn't it only right that I give them fair opportunity to speak?? Fair enough that not everyone who comes up to talk will have wondrous conversational skills, or will in fact have anything to offer other than sheer faith that whatever they have to say simply has to be heard. My brother always used to say that I talked too much, and I would say "you don't talk enough", to which he would reply, "I like to wait until I actually have something worth saying instead of talking a load of bollocks like you do"......If i didn't talk all that bollocks though, it would get stuck in my head, I know because I never used to talk to people, I was scared to, and the times I managed to pluck up the courage to spit a few words out it would just be pure, utter CRAP. So i think everyone deserves the opportunity to air their shit.
If only I had the power of Dizraeli.... The first time I saw him, was like, a big old warm mental hug on my brain. I was drenched to the core at this festival, I walked into a tent to get away from the watery sky and within seconds my attention was on him. He's a normal man, like you or I, but he's SO captivating!!! I walked in as he began a piece titled "Maria" and oh my days, took my breath away. I just felt so involved in everything he was saying, felt all the emotions in every word he said. It's like he was a master of words, able to control them in such a magical way that everybody understood what he was saying and how he meant it. Absolutely bloody marvelous!!
This video isn't the best, and doesn't truly do the man justice, for that you would have to go and see him live, and i HIGHLY highly recommend it. He's touring at the moment with his band The Small Gods. Look him up, you will not be disappointed.
I feel like the new kid at school at the moment, everyone else has their own social circle, but my social circle has all disbanded and entered new circles!! I'm a bit shy when it comes to the bones of it, but I do sometimes shock myself with how far i've come in terms of putting myself out into social situations. A couple of years ago I would have sat in a corner and be done with it, I'm finding now, especially with a little beer aid, that I can go up to people I don't know very well or at all and talk to them. I just need to fling myself out there and get in on some social action. I miss my friends ever ever so much, i really really miss having people to talk to, about anything really, the weather, cats, social political news and things, the colour of shit even!! Anything!! Because at the end of the day, all we all need is a proper good hug, and that feeling that some ones listening to your bullshit. I miss this so so much, but i'll find it again, some day!
No comments:
Post a Comment